Дети на то и дети, что периодически не слушаются, дерутся, обижают своих родителей, учителей и т.д.

И нам, как родителям, очень важно научиться правильно реагировать на их проступки.

И здесь первое и самое главное правило – правило паузы, которое означает, что если вы столкнулись с детским проступком, и не уверены, что здесь и сейчас сможете держать себя в руках, возьмите тайм-аут!

Как-эмоции-влияют-на-здоровьеКрики и ругань вряд ли окажутся полезными для ситуации. Да, конечно, эмоции вы свои выплесните и, возможно, вам даже полегчает. Но на кого выплеснете? На своего ребенка! При этом никакой воспитательной цели не достигнете. Да, и вряд ли во время крика вы думаете о воспитании или о своем ребенке, а скорее о себе и своих обидах, о том, как он мог так поступить с вами и т.д.

Поэтому самое лучшее – это взять паузу и подумать. Подумать о том, что в поведении ребенка вас так задело, почему это что-то вызвало именно такие эмоции, какие есть, и как эти эмоции можно назвать. Это все вам пригодится для последующего разговора с вашим чадом.

Правило второе – беседу с ребенком начинаете именно с разговора о факте проступка и о себе, своих чувствах и потребностях.

Дочь получила двойку? Вы возмущены? Отлично! А почему? Вам важно, чтобы ваша дочь хорошо учились и смогла обеспечить себе достойное будущее? Так и говорите, «я возмущена, узнав, что ты получила двойку. Я очень хотела бы, что ты хорошо училась. Я беспокоюсь о твоем будущем. А сейчас без образования никуда».

Сын грубо ответил вам? Говорите: «Мне очень больно, потому что я хотела бы к себе больше уважения как к родителю» или «Мне обидно, потому что я не считаю, что заслужила такое отношение к себе».

Говоря о себе, своих чувствах и потребностях, вы открываетесь для ребенка. Он понимает, что и почему чувствуют другие, когда он ведет себя плохо. С другой стороны, больше шансов, что и он откроется в ответ.

После того, как вы сообщили о своих чувствах и потребностях, попросите ребенка прокомментировать свое поведение, поделиться своими мыслями и чувствами по поводу случившегося. Ваша задача при этом – постараться выслушать и понять.

И уже следующим шагом спрашиваете самого ребенка, что же теперь делать со сложившейся ситуацией.

уголЯ всегда задаю этот вопрос своим детям при их проступках. И, как правило, при этом они придумывают себе даже более строгие наказания, чем те, что могла бы применить я.

Также можно сообщить ребенку, что из-за сложившихся обстоятельств вы так расстроились, что теперь у вас рука не поднимется, например, купить что-то обещанное, сводить на фильм, сходить куда-то вместе и так далее. Нет-нет, вы не делаете это назло! А просто потому что в такой ситуации просто нет настроения что-то делать для ребенка.

Как правило, этого бывает достаточно, чтобы ситуация была исчерпана

Любите своих детей! Особенно тогда, когда они меньше всего этого заслуживают.

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