Недавно наблюдала за работой коллеги. Когда она в конце попросила обратную связь (ОС), я искренне высказала свое восхищение тем, как она мастерски справилась со своей работой, ведь, как отменила я, «это такой тяжелый труд».  Высказанные от всей души слова оказались непринятыми, коллега ответила, что вообще не считает то, что она делает, «тяжелый трудом», и что ее работа ей в радость.

«И поделом мне,» – подумала я. И, действительно, зачем лезть со своими оценками в чужой монастырь. Даже если моя ОС вполне позитивна, я говорю о СВОЕМ мнении, о том, что понравилось именно МНЕ в работе другого.  В конечном счете, я сужу со СВОЕЙ колокольни, это Я считаю ее труд тяжелым, и объективно он таким не является. Она может смотреть на свою работу абсолютно по-другому. А значит и говорить надо от своего имени, используя так называемые «Я-высказывания».  В конкретной ситуации было бы правильнее говорить о том, что «мне показалось, что она очень легко справлялась со своими задачами, в то время как, по мне, или, как мне кажется, это тяжелый труд» или о том, что «я бы так не смогла» или «смогла бы, но у меня бы ушло больше ресурсов». В любом случае любые мои слова, когда я пытаюсь оценить кого-то или что-то, – обо мне. Я примеряю ситуацию на себя, пропускаю ее через свои ценности и потребности и высказываю свое отношение, которое никакого отношения к другому человеку не имеет.

В ситуации с коллегой можно было говорить о том, как она структурированно проводила сессии. Но «как мне показалось, структурированно» или «мне понравилась структура ее сессий». В любом случае она могла думать о своей сессии абсолютно противоположное.

Можно было бы отметить то, что она практически не затрачивала на это свою энергию. И опять же, как это показалось мне. Ведь она могла судить об этом иначе. И т.д.

А значит, давая ОС, почаще используем слова «как мне кажется», «мне показалось», «по мне», «мне понравилось» и т.д.

И никаких оценочных слов типа «молодец», «умница» и т.д. Они вообще ни о чем, т.к. никак не продвигают человека, которому мы даем ОС. Ведь, он не понимает, что именно он сделал хорошо. Ну по крайней мере, с нашей точки зрения 🙂

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