Скажи, ты слышал такое словосочетание, как «здоровая злость»?
Оно отражает убеждение некоторых людей, что для достижения результата надо сначала как следует разозлиться.
Многие люди, связанные с бизнесом и особенно продажами, могут даже удивляться:
“Как? Разве может быть иначе? Разве можно обойтись без вспышек гнева?”
Ведь эти вспышки помогают им достигать результаты и добиваться успеха, подавляя противников и продавливая свои интересы любой ценой.
Вспомни, когда гнев оказался тебе полезным? Когда, возможно ты сам достиг многого, используя именно эту эмоцию?
На кого в конкретных случаях была направлена твоя злость? На начальника, клиентов, задачу или непосредственно на тебя?
Хотя это и неважно, агрессивность и злость – это состояния, разрушающие в первую очередь тебя самого. Да, ты можешь многого добиться, действуя из гнева и злости.
Но какую цену ты в конечном счете платишь? Как этот гнев скажется на тебе, твоем здоровье, твоих отношениях с окружающими и близкими тебе людьми?
Гнев сам по себе, как и любая другая эмоция, не плох. Это наша ответная реакция на нехватку энергии, необходимую для удовлетворения наших потребностей или защиты их от посягательств.
Гнев помогает нам в краткосрочной перспективе мобилизовать все наши ресурсы, чтобы восстановить справедливость и порушенные ценности. И да, это огромная энергия. Первобытный мужчина, будучи голодным, испытывал гнев и шел валить дикого зверя, который был в разы больше и сильнее его. Он же, испытывая праведный гнев, защищал свое племя от нападения чужаков. И это было правильное использование этой эмоции и исходящей от нее энергии.
Но когда ты используешь гнев для достижения своих целей сегодня, в ситуации, когда тебе не нужно защищать или отстаивать свои права, ты нарушаешь баланс энергии, ты истощаешь свои ресурсы, опустошая себя.
Вспомни, когда ты в последний раз делал что-то из чувства злости и что ты испытывал после этого? Какая опустошенность находила на тебя, когда гнев отступал? Возможно ты даже испытывал чувство вины перед теми, кто попал в сферу разрушительного влияния твоего гнева и агрессии?
Стоил ли тот результат, который ты получал, той цены, которую ты за него заплатил? И здесь речь не только о твоем здоровье и твоих отношениях с окружающими.
Эксплуатируя один и тот же источник энергии, причем не самый экологичный, ты приучаешь свой мозг действовать по одной и той же схеме, воспитывая в себе гневливость, что будет приводить тебя к тому, что вспышки гнева будут происходить все чаще и чаще.
И это при том, что тот же результат ты можешь получить, используя такой же мощный источник энергии, который также есть в тебе, но который не создает разрушительных последствий для тебя самого.
Это эмоция драйва и интереса!
Я думаю, тебе знакома и эта эмоция.
Вспомни, когда ты в последний раз испытывал драйв от задач с вызовом, от интересных людей рядом? Как ты себя ощущал при этом? Как к тебе относились окружающие? На что ты был способен в данной состоянии?
Гнев и драйв – 2 сильные эмоции, которые дают одинаково мощную энергию на действие. Но одна разрушает тебя, опустошая и вынуждая восстанавливаться, а вторая – наполняет силами здесь и сейчас, и далее в будущем.
Мы включаем энергию драйва, когда смотрим с интересом на стоящие перед нами задачи, думая о том, как мы можем через них реализовать свои навыки, а также свои базовые потребности, находя новые и оригинальные способы их выражения.
Мы заражаемся драйвом, когды даже при нарушении наших потребностей с интересом смотрим на ситуацию, как на вызов применить более экологичные способы восстановления нашего статуса кво.
Но для этого тебе важно сменить убеждение о том, что “мир враждебен и кругом одни враги” на убеждение “ой как интересно!”, с которым ты будешь встречать и интерпретировать те или иные события, происходящие вокруг тебя и с тобой.
Выбор, как всегда, за тобой!
Для начала начни изучать те ситуации, которые чаще всего вызывают у тебя гнев и агрессию. Для HR-специалиста это может быть опоздание кандидата на финальное собеседование. Для начальника — нерадивость сотрудников. Для менеджера по продажам – грубость клиента. А что это у тебя?
Анализируй, какие твои ценности и потребности нарушаются или задеваются в каждом конкретном случае, который вызывает у тебя гнев и агрессию. Ищи способы, чтобы защитить свои потребности иным, более экологичным для тебя способом. Включай энергию интереса и драйва!
У меня плохая новость: гнев и агрессия в коммуникациях, в работе, в достижении целей у тебя будут еще довольно долго. То, что формировалось долгие годы, сразу никуда не исчезнет. Обязательно будут и срывы, но со временем все реже и реже. Не торопись и не кори себя за неудачи.
Главное помни – у тебя есть все возможности, чтобы научиться ослаблять инстинктивные реакции, заменяя их более экологичными способами поведения.
Гнев одна из немногих эмоций, которая хорошо контролируется и он не выходит наружу, если ему не позволили это сделать, поэтому ему необходим контроль с первых секунд его возникновения.
Все, как всегда, в твоих руках!
Главное – прими решение и действуй!
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