Очень часто результатом возвращения себе ответственности за свою собственную жизнь может стать тяжелая депрессия, в которую погружается человек.
Согласитесь, намного легче винить внешние обстоятельства в своих неудачах, чем самого себя. Периодически поигрывая во внешние треугольники Карпмана, объявляя себя жертвой конкретных людей или обстоятельств и преследуя их, можно вполне сносно существовать. А тут вдруг, в какой-то момент, причем по собственной воле, человек решает поместить треугольник Карпмана внутрь себя, одновременно или попеременно играя все три роли: жертвы, преследователя и спасателя.
Причем роль спасателя в момент принятия на себя ответственности за свою жизнь, априори оказывается самой слабой и неустойчивой. Иначе принять эту самую ответственность на себя бывает весьма проблематично. В результате сложной внутренней игры, когда ты попеременно и жертва, и преследователь самого себя, падает самооценка человека, а так недалеко и до депрессии.
В свое время это заметил еще Мартин Селигман, который утверждал, что более счастливыми являются те из нас, кто винит в своих неудачах других людей и обстоятельства, а не себя.
И получается непростая ситуация: с одной стороны – важно брать на себя ответственность за свою собственную жизнь, а с другой стороны – есть угроза снижения самооценки и погружения в депрессию.
И это не гипотетические умозаключения, а наблюдения из практики. В моей профессии коуча я уже дважды сталкивалась с ситуациями, когда тренинги личностного роста, призывающие своих участников взять ответственность за собственную жизнь, принять, что причины всех событий в нашей жизни необходимо искать в себе, а не вовне, приводили к тому, что человек начинал заниматься самобичеванием, что приводило его к психотерапевтам.
Так как же быть? Не брать на себя ответственность? Конечно нет. Ответственность брать надо, потому что только так мы можем измениться и, соответственно, изменить что-то в своей жизни, главное- это то, как мы это делаем.
Упомянутый Селигман предупреждал, что пессимизм и снижение самооценки в результате принятия на себя ответственности возможны, если признать, что те причины, которые есть внутри нас, носят постоянный, устойчивый характер, что они неизменны.
Если же мы считаем, что внутренние причины наших неурядиц (интеллект, недостаток внимательности, характер, навыки, излишний вес и т.д.) носят неустойчивый, временный характер, то есть шанс что-то изменить в себе, не погружаясь в самобичевание и депрессию.
Таким образом, принимая на себя ответственность, очень важно быть экологичным по отношению к себе и исходить из того, что любые внутренние причины наших неудач носят временный характер. А, значит, в наших силах, их изменить.
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