Сегодня хочу рассказать вам на собственном примере, как можно легко справиться со своими эмоциями, когда они мешают вам нормально коммуницировать.

Я иностранка, проживающая в России. И как любой иностранец, я должна получать патент-разрешение на работу в стране. Первый мой опыт получения патента был неудачным. Я приехала в Миграционный Центр, до которого нужно добираться более 2 часов, но мне отказали в приеме документов, т.к. в миграционной карте в качестве цели визита была написана «Личная», а не «Работа». Этот опыт так засел у меня в голове, что каждый раз, пересекая порог данного учреждения, я испытываю такой трепет, что не передать словами.

На днях я сдавала в Миграционном Центре документы на очередной патент. Когда прозвучал мой номер и я подошла к окошку для сдачи документов, меня охватила такая паника, что аж ноги подкосились и меня начало трясти. И все это несмотря на то, что негативный опыт я усвоила очень хорошо и была уверена, что проблем со сдачей документов быть не должно. Но то, как долго сотрудница Центра рассматривала мои документы меня напрягало.

Мне срочно нужно было как-то помочь себе, чтобы нормально отвечать на вопросы этой сотрудницы, и я начала работать с собой.

Итак, шаг 1 – Маркирование эмоции/чувства.

Наука об управлении эмоциями говорит, что если мы уже охвачены эмоциями, то самое лучшее, что мы можем сделать, это маркировать эмоцию, то есть дать ей название.

Другими словами, чтобы снизить негативное действие той или иной эмоции на нас, мы, находясь в определенном эмоциональном состоянии, должны подобрать точное название для обозначения этого состояния. В результате чего мы успокоимся.

Действие метода маркирования основано на том, что лимбическая система, ответственная за эмоции, и префронтальная кора, отвечающая за логическое мышление, действуют как бы в противофазе. При возбуждении одной из названных частей мозга объем ресурсов, поступающих к другой части, снижается, приводя к ее торможению. Это означает, если нам нужно погасить возбуждение лимбической системы, надо поставить задачу перед префронтальной корой, вызвав ее возбуждение и соответственно перетянув к ней ресурсы от лимбической системы.

2

Итак, я начала думать, что именно я испытываю. Трепет, волнение, панику, страх? Я назвала свое чувство страхом. Мне реально было страшно, что мне сейчас откажут в связи с проблемами в миграционке и мне придется заново пересекать границу России.

Данное переключение внимание со своего состояния на придумывание название для эмоции привели к тому, что я почувствовала расслабление. Со стула я уже не падала, но стук своего сердца еще хорошо ощущала.

Далее нужно было сделать следующий шаг.

Шаг 2. Определение потребности, стоящей за проявленной эмоцией.

girl-thinking-copy-500x300

Наука об управлении эмоциями говорит нам о том, что за любой эмоцией, которую мы испытываем, неважно положительной или отрицательной, стоит какая-то наша потребность, соответственно удовлетворенная или неудовлетворённая.

Например, радость от встречи с давним знакомым означает удовлетворение потребности в контакте, удовольствие от похвалы достигается за счет удовлетворения потребности в уважении, гнев подростка, в комнату которого зашли без стука, может быть результатом нарушения потребности в сохранении границ и т.д.

Итак, для того, чтобы еще сильнее ослабить влияние эмоции на себя, желательно продумать, какие именно потребности она защищает. Таким образом мы продолжаем нагружать нашу префронтальную кору, лишая лимбику необходимых ей ресурсов.

Я начала думать о том, какие именно мои потребности нарушены и привели к такому взрыву эмоций.

В результате я пришла к выводу, что нарушается моя потребность в сохранении и экономии своих ресурсов и времени. Мне было бы жалко потраченного времени, денег, нервов, если бы мне отказали в приеме документов. Осознание этого принесло мне дальнейшее успокоение. Я перестала чувствовать стук собственного сердца и уже с любопытством следила за сотрудницей Центра и пыталась понять, что она так внимательно рассматривает.

Шаг 3. Эмпатия – понимание эмоций и потребностей других людей.

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Далее я сделала еще один шаг. Я начала думать над тем, что же чувствует сидящая передо мной девушка и каковы ее потребности. Она продолжала внимательно разглядывать мои документы и что-то часто переспрашивала у рядом с сидящей коллегии

Как мне показалось, девушка была новичком, которая боялась совершить ошибку, т.к. хотела сохранить работу.

Эти выводы меня окончательно подбодрили, и я уже спокойно смотрела по сторонам, изучая, что происходит вокруг меня, и даже заглянула в Facebook, хотя пользоваться телефоном в центре запрещено)).

Итак, перед вами работающая схема работы с собственными эмоциями, выручавшая меня не один раз. Попробуйте и убедитесь, насколько качественнее может стать ваша жизни, если вы сможете вовремя помогать себя справляться с теми или иными негативными реакциями.

Ваша Лидия Спевак

бизнес-тренер и коуч коммуникаций

Записаться на бесплатную 30-минутную сессию по управлению эмоциями!

 

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