Представьте себе ситуацию, девочка 5 лет подбегает к бабушке и говорит: «Бабушка, смотри, как я танцую. Я балерина!»

У бабушки есть 2 варианта реакции:

  1. «Ой, какая красивая у меня балерина! А ну потанцуй еще!»
  2. «Ну какая же ты балерина! Посмотри, как настоящие балерины по телевизору танцуют. Учиться надо тебе долго на балерину!»

От того, какую реакцию выберет бабушка, признает ли она или не признает реальность своей внучки, зависит успешность ее коммуникации с внучкой. Согласны?

Признание реальности другого человека – это главная составляющая любого эффективного общения.

Чем больше точек соприкосновения у вас с другим человеком, чем ближе ваши реальности, а точнее взгляды на реальность, тем больше шансов, что вы будете понимать другу друга, а значит, эффективно общаться.

Недавно на одном мероприятии я видела, как спорили двое коллег по поводу одного психологического теста. Одна оспаривала его валидность, говорила, что некоторые вопросы в нем некорректны или устарели. Приводила в качества примера вопрос «Вы часто испытываете депрессию?», утверждала, что депрессия – это настоящее заболевание, признанное ВОЗ, и без диагноза врача нельзя утверждать, что у человека депрессия. Вторая коллега что-то говорила про виды депрессии: обычную, монополярную, биполярную и т.д. Суть не в этом, а в том, что произошло столкновение двух реальностей, которое привело к спору.

Как правило, любой конфликт – это есть результат желания навязать свою реальность другому человеку и непризнание его реальности.

Лично я в споре не участвовала. Потому что считаю, что важно учитывать реальность того человека, который будет заполнять тест. Возможно, в его реальности любая грусть – это депрессия. А раз так, то он ответит на вопрос теста положительно. Почему бы и нет?

Если ваш близкий человек решил, что у него депрессия, то как можно, если вы не специалист, убеждать его в обратном? В результате вы, не признав его реальность, столкнётесь только на стену непонимания и обид. Согласны?

Итак, если мы хотим общаться максимально бесконфликтно, то мы исследуем реальность другого человека, ищем точки соприкосновения, то есть то, с чем мы согласны, и озвучиваем это нашему собеседнику.

Конечно, при этом важно, чтобы реальность другого человека не вредила нашим интересам или интересам других людей.

Но об это прекрасно написал Виктор Пелевин в произведении « Чапаев и пустота».

«- Грубо говоря, вы говорите, что вы Наполеон.

– Я этого не говорю.

– Допустим, что говорите. Так вот, вместо того, чтобы доказывать вам, что вы ошибаетесь, или устраивать вам инсулиновый шок, я отвечаю: очень хорошо. Вы Наполеон. Но что вы будете делать? Высаживаться в Египте? Вводить континентальную блокаду?  Или, может быть, вы отречетесь от престола и тихо вернетесь к себе в Корсиканский переулок? И уже из того, как вы ответите на этот вопрос, будет следовать все остальное».

Итак, пока реальность другого человека не нарушает наши границы, мы можем нормально сосуществовать в своих параллельных реальностях, периодически соприкасаясь ими в рамках тех или иных коммуникаций. Но как только мы отказываем другому человеку в существовании его реальности, мы нарушаем контакт/общение с ним, провоцируя недопонимания и конфликты.

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