Одним из ключевых навыков, необходимых современному человеку в любой коммуникации, является умение выражать свои чувства.

Существует прекрасная формула, позволяющая говорить о своих эмоциях в экологичной форме, – это формула «Я чувствую…, потому что я хочу…».

Сравните 2 фразы:

«Мне грустно, потому что ты не уделяешь мне достаточно внимания»

и

«Мне грустно, потому что я хотела бы, чтобы выходные мы проводили вместе».

Чувствуете разницу?

В обеих фразах мы как будто говорим о своих эмоциях, но в первом случае мы обвиняем в своих чувствах другого человека, возлагая на него ответственность за наше настроение. Во втором же случае мы берем ответственность за свои чувства на себя.

В первой фразе мы ставим оценку поведению другого человека («ты не уделяешь мне достаточно внимания»), с которой он может быть не согласен, а значит она может спровоцировать конфликт.

Во второй фразе мы называем нашему собеседнику ту потребность, которая не удовлетворена («я хотела бы, чтобы выходные мы проводили вместе») и которую мы хотели бы удовлетворить с его помощью. При этом никаких оценок с нашей стороны! Только наши чувства и наши потребности. И уже за нашим собеседником остается выбор сделать так, как мы хотим, или сделать что-то другое.

Каждый раз, когда мы пытаемся выразить наши потребности при помощи толкований, оценок и мнений (в нашем случае это фраза «ты не уделяешь мне достаточно внимания»), люди склонны видеть в ней перекладывание ответственности за наше настроение и критику в свой адрес. А когда люди слышат критику, то реакции возможны только 2 – самозащита или контратака.

Поэтому если мы хотим сопереживания и понимания наших чувств и потребностей, мы должны, во-первых, прекрасно понимать их сами, и во-вторых, уметь доносить их до окружающих в экологичной форме. И формула «Я чувствую…, потому что я хочу….» позволяет это сделать максимально эффективно.

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