Пример из жизни…

Решаем в коллективе, что подарить сотруднице на день рождения. Варианты самые разные – от цветов и сувениров до различных подарочных сертификатов. Одна сотрудница с пеной у рта доказывает, что лучше всего дарить деньги, чтобы именинница сама решила, что ей купить. Даже само пожелание именинницы получить что-нибудь на память не сразу убеждает спорщицу. А все потому, что она сама всегда просит, чтобы ей на день рождения дарили деньги. Ей так удобнее…

Ну как? Знакомо?

В психологии есть такое замечательное понятие как проекция, механизм которой был впервые рассмотрен еще дедушкой Фрейдом. Он первый научно описал процесс, когда человек приписывает свои собственные черты, вкусы, эмоции, потребности, мотивацию, отношения и т.д. другому человеку.

Поступая с другими так, как мы хотим, чтобы они поступали с нами, мы всех равняем на себя, допуская проекцию.

И примеров здесь множество…

  • Женщина любит духи Good Girl от Carolina Herrera и дарит их на день рождения своей подруге, предпочитающей Chanel.
  • Супруга обожает торт «Киевский» и покупает его на день рождения мужа, у которого аллергия на орехи.
  • Мама мечтает, чтобы старший сын стал успешным и состоятельным финансистом, когда он сам грезит о роботах и компьютерных программах.
  • Продавец рассказывает клиенту о выгодности сделки и дает ему скидку, а клиенту нужны гарантии.
  • Друг не понимает, почему его приятель купил дорогой IPhone, не подумав об экономии, когда того привлекает все новое и современное.
  • Начальник вручает в конце месяца подчиненному «Сертификат лучшего сотрудника», а тот мечтает о бонусах.
  • и т.д.

Как вы думаете, довольны ли в данных кейсах те, с кем поступают также, как хотели, чтобы поступали с ними? Успешным ли будет результат соответствующих коммуникаций? Конечно же, нет!

А все потому, что нет никакого «Поступай с другими так, как ты хочешь, чтобы поступали с тобой». Все мы разные и имеем абсолютно разные вкусы и желания. И идеальный вариант – поступать с другими так, как они хотят, чтобы вы поступали с ними.

Желание причинить добро другому человеку – ничего не значит, если мы не знаем, что есть добро для данного человека.

И первым шагом на пути успешной коммуникации – это борьба со случаями, когда мы допускаем проекцию в отношениях с окружающими.

Подумайте

  • Когда в последний раз вы допускали проекцию к кому-либо из вашего окружения?
  • Каким был результат допущенной проекции?
  • А что было бы, если бы вы для начала узнали потребности и желания своего собеседника?
  • И что вы можете сделать, чтобы не допустить проекцию в общении в следующий раз?
  • Как изменится ваша жизнь, когда вы будете учиться не допускать проекции, каким станет отношение к вам со стороны окружающих?

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