Для меня одним из важнейших качеств лидера является умение самостоятельно принимать решения и нести за них ответственность.

Лидер – это человек, который ориентируется при принятии решения, прежде всего, на самого себя, на свой внутренний опыт и знания, ощущения и чувства, который не оглядывается по сторонам в поисках подтверждения правильности своих решений. Он знает, что знает, и знает, что делает. В NLP такие люди называются внутриреферентными в противовес внешнереферентным людям, которые нуждаются в информации, поступающей извне, в советах других людей, иначе не могут быть уверены в том, что поступают правильно.

Хотите определиться со своей референцией? Тогда ответьте, пожалуйста, на следующие вопросы:

  • Вы хороший специалист?
  • А почему вы так решили?
  • Как вы понимаете, что сделали работу правильно, хорошо?

Подумайте, пожалуйста, над ответами. Если есть возможность, запишите их.

Если вы внутреннереферентны, то скорее всего ваш ответ будет звучать следующим образом: «Да, конечно, я хороший специалист. Я прекрасно знаю свою сферу. Я всегда на отлично справляюсь с любыми сложностями в моей сфере и могу даже поучить этому других. Если работа сделана так, как она должна была быть сделана, а я знаю, как, то тогда я сделал ее хорошо».

Внешнереферентный человек, скорее всего, ответит приблизительно следующим образом: «Ну конечно, я хороший специалист. Спросите у моих коллег, клиентов. Все мной довольны. Я всегда соблюдаю все процедуры и правила. Если я вижу, что моя работа выполнена по стандартам и к ней нет никаких претензий и нареканий, то я понимаю, что сделал все правильно».

Как видим, внутреферерентные люди ищут подтверждения своего профессионализма, правильности своих действий и решений внутри себя («я знаю», «я вижу» и т.д.), а внешнереферентные – извне (коллеги, клиенты, стандарты и т.д.).

Руководитель с сильной внешней референцией будет долго взвешивать все «за» и «против» прежде чем принять какое-то решение, он будет его согласовывать и пересогласовывать, соберет все возможные мнения и советы со стороны и все равно не будет удовлетворен принятым решением, пока его не одобрит кто-то извне, как правило, вышестоящий руководитель. А что делать, есть решение надо принять здесь и сейчас? Для такого руководителя это будет непосильной и вгоняющей в сильнейший стресс задачей.

Важно иметь ввиду, что и ярко выраженная внутренняя референция – это тоже не всегда хорошо. Внутреннереферентный руководитель может отказываться слушать чье-то мнение, опираясь только на свое собственное. При принятии решения он может недособрать какие-то данные, поверив собственному знанию и чутью. А, значит, тут велик риск недочетов и ошибок.

Хороший руководитель/лидер – это всегда человек с сильной внутренней референцией, но с намеком на внешнюю.  Он быстро принимает самостоятельные решения, опираясь на свой опыт и знания, но при этом учитывает информацию, поступающую извне. Он не ищет внешнего подтверждения правильности своего решения для претворения его в жизнь. Но готов всегда при необходимости его пересмотреть, если получит информацию об изменении существующей ситуации.

Хотите узнать, получится ли лидер из вашего ребенка?

Задайте ему следующие вопросы (Предположу, что вашему ребенку уже есть хотя бы 5-6 лет):

  • Ты хороший друг? А почему ты так думаешь?
  • Ты хорошо играешь в шахматы/ездишь на велосипеде/танцуешь? Почему ты так решил? (задайте 2-3 подобных вопроса, касающихся его разных увлечений).
  • Как ты считаешь, ты хорошо учишься в школе? (это, конечно, спорный вопрос. Т.к., к сожалению, оценочная система в школе воспитывает в детях внешнюю референцию. И, как правило, дети отвечают что-то вроде «конечно, у меня все пятерки», «меня учитель хвалит». Но задать его все-таки можно.)

Проанализируйте ответы вашего ребенка по вышеуказанным критериям. Ребенок судит о себе сам или ему более важны оценки, мнения извне? Он следует внутренним убеждениям или внешним стандартам/правилам?

Если ваш ребенок имеет ярко выраженную внешнюю референцию, то ее, также как и внутреннюю, можно со временем подкорректировать. Но все это будет зависеть только от вас.

Почаще задавайте ребенку с внешней референцией вопросы типа: «А ты сам как думаешь? А сам что чувствуешь по этому поводу? А если подумать самому, то как бы ты поступил? А если никто не скажет тебе, что ты поступил хорошо, как ты сам можешь это понять?»  и т.д. Эти вопросы способны сфокусировать вашего ребенка на нем самом, его мыслях и чувствах и со временем он разовьёт в себе внутреннюю референцию.

И наоборот, если ваш ребенок имеет сильную внутреннюю референцию, то задавайте ему вопросы типа: «А что по этому поводу думают/чувствуют другие?  А где еще можно узнать об этом? А что еще важно знать, чтобы принять правильное решение?». И тогда через какое-то время ваш ребенок научиться прислушиваться не только к собственному мнению, но и мнению окружающих, что позволит ему в будущем принимать более правильные и взвешенные, но самостоятельные решения, которые и отличают хорошего руководителя и лидера.

Примерно год назад я задала рекомендуемые мною вопросы своему сыну 7 лет. Как оказалось, я воспитывала внешнереферентного человечка, очень чувствительного к оценкам извне. Год работы с ребенком, постоянное выслушивание его мнения по тем или иным вопросам, обращения к его опыту и его внутренним ощущениям и оценкам привели к тому, что сейчас он еще не очень уверенно, но высказывает свое мнение по тем или иным вопросам, сам принимает решения и берет на себя ответственность за них.

Есть еще над чем работать. Надо подтянуть умение аргументировать свою позицию.  Определиться со случаями, когда он будет принимать решения абсолютно самостоятельно, а когда будет обращаться за информацией и советами извне. Но начало положено, и результаты налицо. Так что, родители, все в наших руках!

© Lidiya Spevak

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